Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
