tell your sister to shave her snatch
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found puke in my bra..
a search helicopter?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
