he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize