Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
