Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
