Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
