I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
