I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
