So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
