Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
