Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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