you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
