Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
