I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
