3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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