Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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