Whod you bang
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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