My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
