I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
