Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
