I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
