Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
