I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
