I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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