yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
