This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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