um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
