Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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