just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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