I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will be naked everywhere
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
