Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
