if you like me you must not know who I am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
