Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize