So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
