did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
