I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
