i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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