there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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