I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
