It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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