about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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