i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
