yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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