My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
