tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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