i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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