I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
