peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
wow bdsm is so cute
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize