Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
