I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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