Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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