please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
