I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
