You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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