i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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