I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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