I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
