Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
