I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
