I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
