tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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