Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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