That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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