your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ruined the universe
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