It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
