So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
