Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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