I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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