Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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