he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
