i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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