idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
