Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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