last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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