They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
