Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
