If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's never too late to be topless.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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