atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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