The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
