the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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