Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just pee around me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
